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¿Ya 20?

I cheated on him on the second week that our relationship had started. I decided to keep my mouth shut, I thought it was the best, because exactly in that moment I knew it would never happen again, and it didn’t. He found out three months later. We kept it alive for another year and a half, but he wasn’t able to trust me again. He’s leaving me now. He said the sentimental price he had to pay for being with me was so high, he wished he could go back in time and stay away from me. I felt like dying, I’ve never been sadder. I deserve it. I didn’t mean any wrong but I was not a good person. I felt so good because I was finally able to feel something real for someone, that I thought it was a great chance for us to have a great relationship and be happy together. The cheating episode seemed more like a redemption rather than a treason. It meant a lot positively. This all fitted in my twisted idea of relationships, which is very different now. When he found out, more things changed. I understood honesty was essential. Besides I find monogamous relationships to be the best way of partnership. They allow you to give and share everything you have. That’s meaningful and creates strong bonds. I’m sure we could have lived more wonderful things together. He could never understand my actions and why they happened. And I don’t want him to. I just want him to be happy, with or without me. Sadly, the second one will work out. I’m hurt because it drives me crazy I lost something so real and beloved in such a stupid way. I’m hurt because he’s hurt. I just took too many bad decisions and I’m losing my mind.